"“I used to tell him he’s his own worst enemy.” "
- Nikki Haley about Donald Trump, during CNN's GOP debate
Quotes
""People seldom do what they believe in. They do what is convenient, and then repent.""
- Bob Dylan
"“Happy winter solstice, everybody — unless you’ve got seasonal affective disorder, in which case, hang in there! Tomorrow is going to be three seconds longer.” "
- Stephen Colbert
""Colorado decided that Trump is disqualified from being president because his role in the January 6 attack violated the U.S. Constitution’s insurrection clause. Before last night, Trump thought ‘the insurrection clause’ was one of those Tim Allen movies on Disney+.” "
- Jimmy Fallon
"“According to a new report, President Biden frequently tells aides and friends in private conversations that he feels ‘so much younger’ than his age. And I’m sure he does, but it doesn’t inspire a ton of confidence when you walk around going ‘Man, I feel 73!’”"
- Seth Meyers
"“Trump does the same material so much, people start yelling requests. They’re, like, ‘Do Inject Bleach!’”"
- Jimmy Fallon
""President Biden released a new video with Barack Obama in which they remind people that Obamacare is still available. But according to polls, people really want to know if Obama is still available.""
- Michael Che, on SNL's Weekend Update
"“This headline tells you all you need to know about the Republican Party right now: ‘House Set to Approve Biden Impeachment Inquiry as It Hunts for an Offense.’ In other words, they don’t have a crime, but they do have an investigation. It’s like an episode of ‘CSI,’ but if there was no ‘C,’ just ‘SI.’” "
- Jimmy Kimmel
"“At this point, the U.S. hasn’t agreed to give Ukraine any more funding. Then Zelensky saw the White House’s 98 Christmas trees and was like, ‘Yeah, I can tell money’s tight.'” "
- Jimmy Fallon
"“The L.A. Dodgers signed superstar Shohei Ohtani to the biggest contract in all of sports history, $700 million. Wild, right? That is $1 for every minute it takes to watch one single baseball game.”"
- Kal Penn
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