"“This Father’s Day, lets give dear old dad the gift of being dear old dad. And also, shut up, he’s trying to watch the game.”"
- Bill Maher
Quotes
"“Trump’s birthday should be fun. The last time people gathered to say ‘Are you 1? Are you 2? Are you 3?’ they were counting guilty verdicts.” "
- Jimmy Fallon
"“Usually when an 81-year-old does that much traveling through Europe, it’s on a Viking river cruise.”"
- Jimmy Fallon, on President Biden's overseas trips
"“Hunter Biden was found guilty today on all counts in his federal gun trial and now faces up to 25 years on ‘Hannity.’”"
- Seth Meyers
"“As temperatures reached over 100 degrees at his outdoor rally in Las Vegas, former President Trump told the crowd that he was ‘up here sweating like a dog’ — and he was immediately shot by Kristi Noem.”"
- Seth Meyers
""I feel like I'm a spy from nighttime television.""
- Dick Van Dyke, accepting a Daytime Emmy
"“It’s like signing up to be the babysitter in ‘The Exorcist.’”"
- Jimmy Fallon, on reports that Donald Trump is vetting running mates
"“The Wall Street Journal published an article yesterday that claims President Biden appears to be slipping in private meetings. He keeps saying crazy stuff that makes no sense like, ‘a convicted felon is beating me in the polls.’”"
- Seth Meyers
""If America really wants to lock down the Southern border, they should put Ticketmaster in charge of it, OK? These guys are the best at making sure nobody can actually get into the thing they want to.""
- Ronny Chieng, on "The Daily Show"
""Former President Trump was found guilty last week on 34 counts of falsifying business records and faces up to 4 years in jail and a $5,000 fine. And I think I speak for all of us when I say, you can waive the fine.”"
- Seth Meyers
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