Quotes

"“This feels like the first time ever I’ve had a good review in anything.""
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- "Shrinking" star Ted McGinley, to the NY Times
"“Iranian state media reported yesterday that the second-oldest son of the deceased Ayatollah Ali Khamenei has been chosen as the next supreme leader, starting a dangerous precedent of second-oldest sons taking over.” "
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- Seth Meyers
"“To all the soap operas out there, let me say this: I am officially offering myself to you. Write me a role, and I’ll be on your set so fast, it’ll make your head spin.""
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- John Oliver
""President Trump fired DHS secretary Kristi Noem, and no one is more disappointed than her dogs.” "
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- Greg Gutfeld
"“No one seems to have a clear plan for the war or even a clear reason why we started it. And apparently, America’s military is even at risk at running out of weapons, which is one problem I never thought America would have. I thought we had an unlimited stockpile of those like spinoffs of ‘Yellowstone.’”"
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- Michael Kosta
""The big story continues to be Iran as we’re in day four of what the Pentagon is officially calling Operation Uh, Now What?”"
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- Jimmy Fallon
"“Wait a minute, you started a war in the Middle East and you didn’t even go into the office? You’re gonna ‘work from home’ it? How am I gonna get my writers to come into work when the president of the United States treats war like a Teams meeting?”"
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- Seth Meyers
" “As you know, this year, the show got a little bit of a facelift. Like many people in this room can understand, we nipped the ‘sag,’ and now it’s just the Actor Awards.""
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- Actor Awards host Kristen Bell
"“Of all the people mixed up in this thing — Elon Musk, Bill Gates, Howard Lutnick — they drag Hillary Clinton out of the woods to testify under oath, even though there is no evidence that Hillary Clinton has ever met Jeffrey Epstein. But why not harass the woman while you have the chance?”"
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- Jimmy Kimmel
"“Classic Trump, though, he paused 12 times for applause and nine times to bomb narco speedboats.”"
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- Greg Gutfeld
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