"“Trump explained that he agreed to the cease-fire because, ‘we have already met and exceeded all military objectives.’ It’s true. This war reached all of its objectives. It’s been a week since anyone mentioned the Epstein files.”"
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- Stephen Colbert
"“Trump has promised to deliver this civilization-ending blow tonight at 8 p.m. Eastern. So, bad news: the world might end. Good news: not until after ‘Wheel of Fortune.’” "
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- Stephen Colbert
"“He’s the only president who teases a bombing the same way ABC promotes new episodes of ‘Will Trent.’” "
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- Jimmy Kimmel
""President Trump addressed the nation about the war with Iran and threatened to, quote, 'bring them back to the Stone Age where they belong.' And in the spirit of Easter, let me just say, 'Jesus Christ!'""
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- SNL's Colin Jost
" “Sources say Trump wants someone tougher to execute his plans — and everyone else.” "
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- Greg Gutfeld
"“At $4 a gallon, gas is now officially more expensive than milk. And everyone laughed when I bought my milk-powered car – yes, I’m a proud owner of a Toyota Mamm’ry.”"
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- Stephen Colbert
""The latest Plan A Trump had this week was to send ICE to the airport. OK, forgetting that ICE does not perform any sort of task that would be alleviating the actual problem there, so it’s just more people standing around. Plan B was to send to every airport 100 raccoons.”"
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- Bill Maher
""We’re in a weird time where the hosts all came together to go against late night’s arch nemesis: Donald Trump. It’s like Trump kind of galvanized late night. We fought each other for numbers. Now they’re all together for a common cause. It’s very weird.""
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- Aresenio Hall, to the NY Times
"“How many fake trophies that were made specifically for him is this guy going to get? First the FIFA Peace Prize, now the America First award — and he’s neither America first nor pro-peace. He’s getting a participation trophy for something he didn’t even participate in.”"
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- Seth Meyers
""Iran quickly rejected Trump’s proposal, and Melania was, like, ‘Smart.’” "
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- Jimmy Fallon
