"“President Trump announced yesterday in a post on Truth Social that Israel and Iran have agreed to a cease-fire and added, ‘CONGRATULATIONS TO EVERYONE!’ Congratulations to everyone? Are you brokering a cease-fire or hosting the Tonys? ‘Congratulations to all our winners tonight, get home safe!’”"
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- Seth Meyers
"“The U.S. on Saturday launched strikes against three Iranian nuclear sites in a surprise attack. Well, ‘surprise’ to everyone who’s not on Pete Hegseth’s text chain.” "
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- Seth Meyers
""Any enjoyment you may get from weird, funny AI slop tends to be undercut when you know that someone's hard work was stolen in order to create it.""
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- John Oliver
"“If Trump were to acknowledge Juneteenth, he would risk upsetting his not-at-all-racist-and-how-dare-you-say-we-are base. They’re like, ‘We’re the ones who stopped enslaving — they should have a holiday for us!’” "
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- Jimmy Kimmel
"“After a few days with Trump, the Canadian prime minister was like, ‘I hate to see you go, but I also hate to see you here.’” "
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- Jimmy Fallon
"“It was boring. It was basically a $50 million version of when a 5-year-old shows you every car in his Hot Wheels collection.”"
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- Jimmy Kimmel, on the Trump-hosted military parade
"“Usually, when that much is spent on something completely pointless, we at least get to see one of the Avengers in it.”"
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- John Oliver, on President Trump's $134 million decision to send troops to LA
"“I don’t know what’s worse: that a reporter thought it was a good idea to ask Trump if he’s the hero or the villain, or that Trump’s response was ‘Oof, that’s a tough question.’”"
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- Desi Lydic
"“During a speech yesterday at Fort Bragg to celebrate the 250th anniversary of the U.S. Army, President Trump spoke about the need to ‘liberate Los Angeles and make it free, clean and safe again.’ Though if you think Los Angeles was ever safe, then you’ve never tried to merge onto a six-lane freeway at 80 miles an hour with the sun in your eyes.”"
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- Seth Meyers
"“Now, as we speak, Trump has sent thousands of troops into downtown L.A. to quell what historians will remember as the Battle of That Video of a Burning Waymo Car They Kept Showing on Cable News.” "
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- Stephen Colbert
