Quotes

"“I mean, imagine if Hitler invaded Poland and was like, ‘So, that happened.’”"
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- Ronny Chieng, on the casual response of Elon Musk's Grok to backlash for its Hitler praise
""This is the time of year when everyone’s on summer break, and that includes the Pope. Yes, for real. Pope Leo is reportedly taking a six-week vacation....Who the hell does he think he is, Jimmy Kimmel?”"
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- Kimmel's guest host, Anthony Anderson
"“I actually agree with the president. There should be a U.F.C. fight at the White House, between Donald Trump and Elon Musk. Right? It’ll be Golf Clubber Lang versus the Ketamine Machine.”"
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- Anthony Anderson
""The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.""
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- Groucho Marx
""The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.""
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- Vince Lombardi
"“The settlement does not include a statement of apology or regret.""
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- Paramount Global, on its $16 million settlement with President Trump
""Men are only as loyal as their options.""
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- Bill Maher
""You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.""
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- Milton Berle
"“July 4th is your most patriotic holiday, where you proudly wave flags and set off fireworks that were all made in China.""
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- Diego Luna
"“Yesterday was New York City’s Democratic mayoral primary, and former Governor Andrew Cuomo conceded to state Assemblyman Zohran Mamdani. On the bright side for Cuomo, at least he doesn’t have to move to New York City.” "
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- Seth Meyers
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