Quotes

"“You know Trump might have taken things too far when even the pope is, like, ‘I’m having a tough time forgiving this guy.’” "
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- Jimmy Fallon
"“They’re just renaming it. They’re treating the war like it’s HBO. They went from HBO to HBO Go to HBO Now to HBO Max to Max back to HBO Max. Although if you ask me, a much simpler name would just be, The One That Has ‘Game of Thrones.’”"
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- Seth Meyers
"“During an Oval Office signing ceremony restoring the competitive Presidential Fitness Test today in front of a group of schoolchildren, President Trump claimed that Iran would have launched a nuclear strike against the U.S. and Israel if he didn’t start the war. Said the kids, ‘Uh, is this going to be on the test?’”"
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- Seth Meyers
""If you had a Spirit flight booked over the weekend, good news — you were upgraded to not having one.” "
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- Seth Meyers
""Wait a minute – there's a WNBA for men? What would you even call that? The MNBA?""
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- SNL's Kam Patterson
""The Supreme Court saw that Louisiana had two whole Black congressmen and they were like, ‘Whoa, what is this, 'Showtime at the Apollo?' Let’s dial this back.’”"
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- Josh Johnson
""King Charles and Queen Camilla paid a visit to New York City. To make them feel at home, none of us flossed.” "
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- Greg Gutfeld
""As soon as I heard about the ballroom, I knew we would end up paying for it. Like, Trump is the type of dude to wine and dine you and then forget his wallet.” "
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- Josh Johnson, on "The Daily Show"
""Trump wants the event to be rescheduled within 30 days, and F.B.I. director Kash Patel said he expects the security at the next dinner to be ‘entirely different.’ Because by then he’ll be fired.” "
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- Jimmy Fallon
"“The impulse to try to make money betting on war or an unfolding tragedy is really dark. When someone dies, you’re supposed to send their family a card that says ‘sorry for your loss’, and not one that says ‘thanks for covering the spread!’”"
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- John Oliver
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