"“The First Amendment does not protect performers like Jimmy Kimmel from being cancelled by their private sector employers. But I would have liked the outcome a lot better if the chairman of the FCC had not involved himself in it.”"
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- Fox News political analyst Brit Hume
"“According to a new report from The Wall Street Journal, toxic fumes are leaking into airplanes and making passengers and crews sick. Though if you’re flying Spirit, they’re happy to crack a window.”"
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- Seth Meyers
""President Trump just arrived in the U.K. for a state visit with King Charles and Queen Camilla. Charles and Camilla are Trump’s second-favorite king and queen, next to Burger and Dairy.” "
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- Jimmy Fallon
"“By the time [Trump] is out of office, the White House will have slot machines and a water slide.”"
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- Jimmy Kimmel
"“I feel like I’m going to cry because for the past 25 years, I have been like, ‘World, I want to be an actor!’ And the world was like, ‘Maybe computers.’”"
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- Emmy winner Jeff Hiller ("Somebody Somewhere")
""We should be able to settle our disagreements civilly. In the end, as Americans, we are all brothers and sisters. Or at least Mike Johnson and I look like we are.” "
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- Stephen Colbert
"“Political violence only leads to more political violence, and I pray with all my heart that this is the aberrant action of a madman and not a sign of things to come.”"
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- Stephen Colbert
"“According to The Wall Street Journal, Jeffrey Epstein’s estate has given Congress a copy of the infamous 2003 birthday book, including the letter signed by President Trump. ‘So you do remember birthdays!’ yelled Eric.” "
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- Seth Meyers
"“You know how much of a jerk you have to be to get booed by a tennis crowd? They’re not like natural booers — they’re Chablis-drinking Volvo drivers who think strawberries are a dessert.”"
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- Jimmy Kimmel
""Even I know there are certain things you’re allowed to tell people to put in their kids’ bodies: water, for instance; nutrients; one piece of dog food just to end the discussion and, also, life-saving vaccines.”"
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- John Oliver
