"“Trump also invited the pope to join the Board of Peace. That’s right. The Vatican said the pope received the offer, but it is ‘something that requires a bit of time for consideration before giving a response,’ which is a polite way of saying they’re waiting for the pope to stop laughing.""
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- Jimmy Kimmel
""President Trump delivered a speech at the World Economic Forum in Switzerland, and at one point he called Greenland ‘a piece of ice.’ In response, the people of Greenland called Trump a piece of something else.”"
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- Jimmy Fallon
""[Trump] didn’t get the Nobel Peace Prize, so now he’s going to ruin peace, same way he didn’t get an Emmy for his reality show, so he ruined reality.” "
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- Stephen Colbert
"“That was the one part of that job I could never do, was talk to someone I had no interest in whatsoever. It was the actors, was the problem for me…. Oh man, that was tough.""
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- John Oliver, a guest on Trevor Noah's podcast
""I did not get in this business to hurt the theatrical business. I got into this business to help consumers, to help movie fans.""
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- Netflix's Ted Sarandos
"“President Trump gave a heckler the middle finger and appeared to mouth ‘[expletive] you’ to the man. Wow. I’ve never seen him be so crude and so disrespectful to a man.”"
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- Seth Meyers
"“Has anyone told him that they don’t have oil? Because the best he’s going to get is 50 million barrels of cream of mushroom soup.” "
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- Stephen Colbert, on Trump "invading" Minnesota
"President Trump just hosted oil executives at the White House to talk about Venezuela, but the CEO of Exxon told "Trump that the Venezuelan market is uninvestible. Yeah, they’re like, ‘Sir, we’d rather invest in a beach house in North Korea.’ They were, like, ‘Sir, we’d rather invest in Labubu dolls, now.’ They were, like, ‘Sir, we’d rather invest in straight hockey shows.’”"
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- Jimmy Fallon
"“Television is what you watch on a laptop and movies are what you watch on TV.""
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- Ayo Edebiri, presenting at the Golden Globes
"“Last night, President Trump sat down with The New York Times for an interview that lasted two hours. Yep, the interview went so long, The Times almost got to ask a second question.” "
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- Jimmy Fallon
