"“The economy is very strong. Everyone’s fine, from the billionaires all the way down to the poor, poor millionaires who we’re praying for every night.”"
- SNL's James Austin Johnson as Donald Trump
Quotes
"“There’s one thing Donald Trump won’t see his face on anytime soon. That’s Time magazine, ’cause they just announced their person of the year, and it isn’t him. Instead, it’s the other thing that’s going to kill us all: ‘The Architects of A.I.’”"
- Stephen Colbert
"“Trump also told parents to cut back on Christmas presents this year....He said that instead of buying 37 dolls for your kids, buy two or three. By the way, who is buying 37 dolls? What kind of haunted asylum are you living in?”"
- Jimmy Fallon
"“It was the kind of weather today that makes you wish you were someplace tropical, like on a boat in the Caribbean, but not near Venezuela.”"
- Stephen Colbert
"“He’s been boasting about hosting, saying we’ve never had a president host the Kennedy Center Honors before, which, yeah, why do you think that is? We’ve also never had Neil Patrick Harris order a military strike on a fishing boat before.” "
- Jimmy Kimmel
""President Trump said that he will soon release the results of his M.R.I. test from October. He just needs a little more time to write 'of genius' after the word 'stroke.'”"
- SNL's Colin Jost
"“Now, just how did the intrepid inspector general uncover that Hegseth revealed when the first bombs might drop? Well, it could have been when Hegseth posted in the chat: ‘This is definitely when the first bombs will drop.’”"
- Stephen Colbert
"“I don’t even know what’s crazier, that President Trump is pardoning the president of Honduras for selling drugs, or that the president of Honduras was selling drugs.”"
- John Johnson
""If we apply the lessons learned from streaming over the past several years of quality character writing and apply that to those genres then we will have great success.”"
- HBO Max's Sarah Aubrey
"“For God’s sakes, man, were you not curious at all? When they laid you down in a tube for a half an hour to 45 minutes, you didn’t want to know what they might be doing? Or did you just think to yourself, ‘What a loud tanning bed’?""
- Jon Stewart. after President Trump said he had "no idea" what his MRI was for
CynCity
Cynsiders
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