Quotes

"“Michael Cohen was back on the stand in Trump’s hush money trial and he admitted to stealing $30,000 from the Trump organization. It’s nice at the end of one trial when they tease the next trial.” "
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- Jimmy Fallon
"“I don’t like being in court because they say very mean things about me while I am trying to sleep.""
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- SNL's James Austin Brown, impersonating Donald Trump
""There are more Republican members of Congress at Trump’s criminal trial than there at the Capitol. Just going to throw this out there: Might be a good day to storm it.” "
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- Seth Meyers
"“The first debate will be next month, which is the earliest a presidential debate has ever been, and, if we’re being honest, an early-bird debate feels right for these guys.”"
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- Jimmy Fallon
"“I was here way back when Max was HBO Max, it was this whole other thing. It was just me, ‘Tom & Jerry’ reruns and that show about the Heaven’s Gate cult. It’s completely different now — though, let me be clear: there are still great shows about cults and there never will not be. Because Casey Bloys loves cults. He told me that personally.”"
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- Mindy Kaling, at the WBD Upfront
"“We’ve been on the air for one pandemic, two presidential elections and 300 ‘Fast and the Furious’ movies.” "
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- Jimmy Fallon, on his tenth anniversary as "Tonight Show" host
"“Michael Cohen testified today that former President Trump once said that he wouldn’t be single for very long if former first lady Melania Trump were to leave him. So, yeah, he wrote his own vows.” "
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- Seth Meyers
""Is the sky really falling? Or is it just a door from a Boeing aircraft?”"
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- Bill Maher
"“I don’t know what’s worse — that R.F.K. Jr. had a worm that was eating his brain or that his brain is so poisoned that it killed the worm.” "
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- Jordan Klepper
"“We also learned that Trump used to call Stormy ‘honeybunch,’ which, interestingly, is also a term Melania would use at Mar-a-Lago, as in, ‘Honey, bunch of F.B.I. agents at door to see you.’” "
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- Jimmy Kimmel
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