"“Today is also known as the summer solstice, which is the longest day of the year. Which is funny, because I thought the longest day of the year was the time I saw Steven Seagal do Shakespeare in the park.”"
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- Sean Hayes, hosting "Jimmy Kimmel Live!"
"“Poor Biden — even his bike was like, ‘I’m sorry, but I can no longer support you.’” "
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- Jimmy Fallon
""Dr. Fauci has Covid, which feels a little like finding out Smokey Bear got trapped in a forest fire.” "
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- Trevor Noah
"“President Biden sent a letter today to oil companies and called on them to produce more in order to alleviate high prices. So if you needed more proof that he’s an old man, he still thinks you can get things done with a letter.”"
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- Seth Meyers
"“During yesterday’s congressional hearing, it was revealed that Donald Trump Jr.’s fiancée, Kimberly Guilfoyle, was paid $60,000 to speak at the rally before the Capitol attack. Well, technically, $20,000 to speak and then $40,000 to please stop.” "
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- Seth Meyers
"“Today was Episode 2 of the hot new reality show ‘The Jan. 6 Committee Hearings.’ We’re all waiting to find out if the former president gets to go to the fantasy suite with Lady Justice. She’s blind, so he’s got a shot.” "
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- Stephen Colbert
"“It’s OK to be weird.”"
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- "A Strange Loop" playwright Michael R. Jackson at the Tonys
"“The power of our art form is to create characters to remind you that you’re less alone.” "
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- Viola Davis
"“Five minutes in, even Mike Pence was like, ‘I’ve had enough — let’s see what’s happening on ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race.’”"
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- Jimmy Fallon, on the first January 6 hearing
"“You know who is going to be torn about the coverage of this? Donald Trump. Think about it: On the one hand, he doesn’t want anyone to know what he did on January 6, but on the other hand, you know he would love his hearings to get the highest ratings of all time.""
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- Trevor Noah, on the January 6 hearings
