"“At $4 a gallon, gas is now officially more expensive than milk. And everyone laughed when I bought my milk-powered car – yes, I’m a proud owner of a Toyota Mamm’ry.”"
- Stephen Colbert
Quotes
""The latest Plan A Trump had this week was to send ICE to the airport. OK, forgetting that ICE does not perform any sort of task that would be alleviating the actual problem there, so it’s just more people standing around. Plan B was to send to every airport 100 raccoons.”"
- Bill Maher
""We’re in a weird time where the hosts all came together to go against late night’s arch nemesis: Donald Trump. It’s like Trump kind of galvanized late night. We fought each other for numbers. Now they’re all together for a common cause. It’s very weird.""
- Aresenio Hall, to the NY Times
"“How many fake trophies that were made specifically for him is this guy going to get? First the FIFA Peace Prize, now the America First award — and he’s neither America first nor pro-peace. He’s getting a participation trophy for something he didn’t even participate in.”"
- Seth Meyers
""Iran quickly rejected Trump’s proposal, and Melania was, like, ‘Smart.’” "
- Jimmy Fallon
""He voted by mail today for the special election in Florida. He’s unbelievable... Donald Trump claiming he wants to protect election integrity is like Bill Cosby telling you he’ll watch your drink for you.” "
- Jimmy Kimmel
"“President Trump said in a post today on Truth Social that he does not want ICE agents to wear masks while they assist with airport security — ’cause you definitely want to see their faces when they find out a bottle of water is $9.""
- Seth Meyers
"“It’s definitely the stupidest name I’ve ever heard. It sounds like a VHS tape [Pete] Hegseth put out of himself doing karate in a garage.""
- John Oliver on Operation Epic Fury
""President Trump praised the Japanese prime minister’s understanding of English and added, ‘I haven’t picked up your language.’ Oh, nobody thought you had picked up Japanese. You already have your hands full with English.” "
- Seth Meyers
"“I cannot believe I’m agreeing with Rand Paul, but he’s right. The only kind of duel that’s still legal is Fanduel. ‘Fanduel: We should be illegal, too.’”"
- Stephen Colbert
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