"“When news got out about this Nick Fuentes guy and the ex-president started getting a lot of criticism, he put out a statement saying, ‘Our dinner meeting was intended to be Kanye and me only, but he arrived with a guest whom I had never met and knew nothing about.’ OK, not sure ‘I was only scheduled to have dinner with one famous antisemite’ is the defense he thinks it is.” "
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- Stephen Colbert
"“Dr. Fauci is 81 years old. Today, Biden was like, ‘Congrats on your early retirement.’” "
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- Jimmy Fallon
""It’s kind of like finding out your mom decided to dump your stepdad to get back together with your real Dad.”"
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- Jimmy Kimmel, on Bob Iger returning as CEO of Disney
""It is with an incredible sense of gratitude and humility—and, I must admit, a bit of amazement—that I write to you this evening with the news that I am returning to The Walt Disney Company as Chief Executive Officer.""
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- Bob Iger, in a memo to Disney employees
"“Reports of our death were slightly exaggerated.” "
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- Bill Maher, on the midterm election results
"“[Nancy] Pelosi has served as speaker with Presidents Bush, Obama, Trump and Biden, or as she calls them, the reasons why she started smoking, quit, then started again, then quit again.”"
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- Jimmy Fallon
"“I can think of no better way to kick off another Trump campaign than with ‘Les Misérables.’ It’s a musical about a criminal with a hot daughter who gets away with it in the end.” "
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- Jimmy Kimmel
"“ABC News aired an hourlong sit-down interview last night with former Vice President Mike Pence. So if you’ve ever wondered what an hourlong interview with Mike Pence is like, watch a five minute one.” "
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- Seth Meyers
""There are a lot of reasons people think that Trump is going to run again, all right? They think he wants to avoid an indictment, they think he thinks he already won last time — it could be the fact that he has a Cinemax movie in the White House DVR that he wants to finish watching.”"
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- Trevor Noah
" "TV writers think, 'I’m writing for the centuries, so I won’t make anything too current.' There’s a certain cowardice or indifference with that.""
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- Robert King ("The Good Fight")
