""Republicans and Democrats are talking about a bipartisan solution to finding a speaker. That’s how crazy things have gotten; our government is so dysfunctional, it might become functional.” "
- Jimmy Fallon
Quotes
"“Sometimes comedy is really the only way forward through tragedy.” "
- "SNL" host Pete Davidson
"“What a mess. The House only has until Nov. 17 to pass legislation to fund the government or there will be a shutdown. But they can’t do anything until they have a speaker. In the meantime, we’re all just waiting around like we’re customers in line at the CVS pharmacy window: ‘Any chance we’ll get our insulin?’ Not looking good.” "
- Jimmy Kimmel
"“The House majority chose Scalise by a vote of 113-99. It’s still unclear, though, if he has enough votes to win the speakership because that would require Republicans to accept the results of an election, and that’s really not their thing.” "
- Jimmy Kimmel
"“Joe Biden spent his October Prime Day trying to figure out where the hell this woman Alexa who keeps yelling at him is hiding.” "
- Jimmy Kimmel
"“After leaving the White House, former President Trump reportedly shared details about the capabilities of U.S. nuclear submarines with an Australian billionaire, including how close they can sail to Russian vessels without being detected. Said Trump, ‘Oh, come on, I’m not an idiot — I told Putin first.’" "
- Seth Meyers
""Tell 'em I'm not here.""
- Arnold Schwarzenegger, when a host's phone went off during his interview on "The View"
"“I always thought we were underestimated, but it turns out, even I underestimated #Suits. It’s good to be the King.”
"
- "Suits" creator Aaron Korsh, tweeting about the the streaming success of the show
"“This guy is claiming Matt Gaetz was running around on the floor of the House showing his amateur porn to anybody he could find, to everybody who works with him. That makes him sound like the over-the-top bad employee example they use in H.R. training videos.” "
- Stephen Colbert
""Only the Republicans would consider giving the job of speaker to someone who is under a gag order. It’s like hiring a French mime as your new N.F.L. play-by-play guy.” "
- Seth Meyers, on the possibility that Donald Trump could be named speaker of the House
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