""President Biden released a new video with Barack Obama in which they remind people that Obamacare is still available. But according to polls, people really want to know if Obama is still available.""
- Michael Che, on SNL's Weekend Update
Quotes
"“This headline tells you all you need to know about the Republican Party right now: ‘House Set to Approve Biden Impeachment Inquiry as It Hunts for an Offense.’ In other words, they don’t have a crime, but they do have an investigation. It’s like an episode of ‘CSI,’ but if there was no ‘C,’ just ‘SI.’” "
- Jimmy Kimmel
"“At this point, the U.S. hasn’t agreed to give Ukraine any more funding. Then Zelensky saw the White House’s 98 Christmas trees and was like, ‘Yeah, I can tell money’s tight.'” "
- Jimmy Fallon
"“The L.A. Dodgers signed superstar Shohei Ohtani to the biggest contract in all of sports history, $700 million. Wild, right? That is $1 for every minute it takes to watch one single baseball game.”"
- Kal Penn
"“The British version of 'Thomas [the Tank Engine]' didn’t f*ck around. An episode whose premise is ‘stop complaining about work or we’ll throw you in your forever hole’ has got to be one of the most disturbing episodes of children’s TV ever right up there with the episode of 'Blue’s Clues,' where Blue reveals herself to be the Zodiac killer.” "
- John Oliver
"“The editor in chief for Time said Taylor Swift is ‘the rare person who is both the writer and hero of her own story.’ And also, he said, ‘We really wanted to sell some magazines this year.’” "
- Jimmy Kimmel
"“At this point, watching these debates is like watching a middle school play — it doesn’t really matter, you just hope that they’re having fun up there.” "
- Jimmy Fallon
"“[George Santos] put on his coat before the vote was even over. Well, let me correct myself: He put on a coat. For all we know, there is another congressman, like, ‘Somebody stole my coat.’” "
- Charlamagne tha God
""Elon Musk met with Benjamin Netanyahu this week and agreed that Israel must destroy Hamas. And I think Musk could destroy Hamas almost instantly by becoming their C.E.O.""
- SNL's Michael Che, on Weekend Update
"“What this advertising boycott is going to do is, it’s going to kill the company.”"
- X owner Elon Musk
CynCity
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