"“It’s pretty embarrassing for Biden. But, on the bright side, he’ll forget about it five minutes later.”"
- Jimmy Fallon, on the president's description as "a well meaning elderly man with a poor memory" by the special counsel
Quotes
"“Former Fox News host Tucker Carlson announced yesterday that he will interview Russian President Vladimir Putin. And while they may not speak the same language, they also kind of do.”"
- Seth Meyers
"“According to a new poll from CNN, a majority of Americans want to see a verdict in the Jan. 6 case before they vote in the election. It’s vitally important that we find out whether the former president did what we all saw him do on television or not.”"
- Jimmy Kimmel
"“Not only did Taylor make Grammys history, she also announced that on April 19, she’s releasing a new album called ‘The Tortured Poets Department.’ Then every other artist releasing an album on April 19 was like, ‘Well, looking more like a June release now.’”"
- Jimmy Fallon
""President Biden won the South Carolina Democratic primary, barely edging out his closest rival - time.""
- SNL's Colin Jost
"“When asked yesterday about the recent pictures showing red marks on his hands, Former President Trump said that he had not seen the photographs and added, ‘Maybe it’s A.I.’ OK, who taught him that? Because now that’s going to be his answer for everything.”"
- Seth Meyers
" “It won’t be January 6, it won’t be the election fraud or the sexual assault or dancing with Jeffrey Epstein, or even fathering Don Jr. What’s finally going to bring down Donald Trump will be an army of pissed-off Swifties.”"
- Jimmy Kimmel
"“I saw that Trump just took credit for the record-high stock market under Biden. Trump was like, ‘If I had not not lost the election, this never would have happened.’”"
- Jimmy Fallon
""I hope Taylor [Swift] makes it, because I really want to watch the Apple Music Super Bowl LVIII Halftime Show starring shaky footage of Taylor Swift Cheering in a Skybox, featuring Usher.” "
- Stephen Colbert
""Spirit Airline shares have fallen 58% after a federal judge blocked a merger with Jet Blue. So now the only way Spirit and Jet Blue will merge is mid-air.""
- Colin Jost, on SNL's Weekend Update
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