"“President Biden turned 81 today despite his campaign staff specifically advising him not to.” "
- Seth Meyers
Quotes
"“If you know me, you know I’m committed to truth and fairness. Here’s the truth. Not a single authentic user on X saw IBM’s, Comcast’s, or Oracle’s ads next to the content in Media Matters’ article.”"
- Linda Yaccarino
""We’re extremely excited to share the news that Sam Altman and Greg Brockman, together with colleagues, will be joining Microsoft to lead a new advanced AI research team. We look forward to moving quickly to provide them with the resources needed for their success.""
- Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella
"“President Xi said China wants to be a ‘partner and friend’ to the United States. Even said he’d send us new pandas for our national zoo. They’d taken our pandas back, now we’re getting the pandas — and, in return, we’ve agreed to send China two of the lesser Kardashians. I think it’s Rob and one of the cousins that lives in Topeka." "
- Jimmy Kimmel
"“Former House Speaker Kevin McCarthy denied claims yesterday that he elbowed Republican Congressman Tim Burchett in the back and added, ‘If I would hit somebody, they would know I hit them.’ I assume ’cause his fist would bruise.”"
- Seth Meyers
"“Ahead of Thanksgiving, the T.S.A. just announced that they’re predicting the busiest holiday travel season ever. This was a classy move — Southwest cut right to the chase and canceled all their flights.” "
- Jimmy Fallon
"“If you don’t know who Tim Scott is, it’s why he decided to suspend his campaign for president.” "
- Jimmy Kimmel
"“Vivek Ramaswamy started by saying that the GOP had become a ‘party of losers.’ Weirdly, a ‘party of losers’ was also how NBC advertised the debate.”"
- Colin Jost, on SNL's Weekend Update
" "The actors are back just in time. I’m not sure the world could handle another reality dating show.”"
- Jimmy Fallon
"“Whatever you think about Trump, Republican debates are kind of meaningless without him. It’s like a football game without Taylor Swift.” "
- Jimmy Fallon
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