"“ABC and CNN decided to cancel their New Hampshire debate coverage because Trump and Nikki Haley said they would not attend. So, the good news is if you still want to hear two Republicans who will never be president argue about politics, you can always go visit your parents.” "
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- Jimmy Kimmel
"“Trump won 98 of Iowa’s 99 counties. Apparently, the 99th county got confused and voted for ‘Succession.’”"
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- Jimmy Fallon
""You know who I want to thank, I want to thank me for believing in me and doing what they said I could not do. And I want to say to myself in front of all you beautiful people, 'Go on girl with your bad self. You did that!'""
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- Emmy winner Niecy Nash-Betts
"“Thank you for laughing at that — my writers wrote it.” "
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- Critics Choice Awards host Chelsea Handler
"“Before he allowed former President Trump to address the court today, Judge Arthur Engoron asked, ‘Do you promise to just comment on the facts and the law?’ Good luck. That’s like asking Jake, ‘Do you promise you won’t talk about State Farm?’”"
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- Seth Meyers
"“What a night between Haley and DeSantis. It was like Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen, minus the joy, booze, and viewers.”"
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- Jimmy Fallon
"“During the hearing, Trump appeared visibly agitated and several times he abruptly became anxious and upset. Eventually, his lawyer handed him an iPad that was playing his favorite episode of ‘Bluey.’”"
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- Jimmy Fallon
"“Aaron got two A’s on his report card — they were both in the word ‘Aaron.'""
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- Jimmy Kimmel, on NFL quarterback Aaron Rodgers
"“Given the climate in our country right now, there’s a lot of energy being put toward your community not existing. I truly believe that all of that is coming from a place of fear. The beauty of what your community brings and the truth of who you are and represent will come out. Don’t give up.”
"
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- Charlize Theron, on "RuPaul's Drag Race"
""You saved the movies last summer and all of our jobs. You’ve delivered joy to countless generations and genders of people, and you should surf that wave, kids, until you’re old and deserve to be jaded like me.”"
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- Meryl Streep at the Palm Springs Film Awards, to the team behind "Barbie"
