Quotes

"“I don’t know what’s worse — that R.F.K. Jr. had a worm that was eating his brain or that his brain is so poisoned that it killed the worm.” "
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- Jordan Klepper
"“We also learned that Trump used to call Stormy ‘honeybunch,’ which, interestingly, is also a term Melania would use at Mar-a-Lago, as in, ‘Honey, bunch of F.B.I. agents at door to see you.’” "
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- Jimmy Kimmel
"“Please, you think Trump is scared of jail? That place is full of mobsters and white supremacists. He’ll walk into jail the way Norm walks into Cheers.” "
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- Seth Meyers
"“You don’t know until someone who cares about you shows you a video package and you see yourself with people with these names like Hoda, Mo Rocca, Chanel, Vlad.”"
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- Jerry Seinfeld during SNL's Weekend Update, on how to know when you've done too much press
"“Prosecutors argued today that former President Trump should be sanctioned again for violating his gag order. Apparently, he talks in his sleep.” "
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- Seth Meyers
"“All right, what is going on with him? Hibernating bears don’t sleep this much. I’m starting to think when they say he slept with a porn star, they meant literally.” "
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- Seth Meyers
"“Eric Trump attended his dad’s porn star hush money trial today, which in the Trump family is as close as you get to playing catch in the yard.” "
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- Jimmy Kimmel
"“Governor Noem, if you don’t like untrainable animals that wolf down chickens, I have bad news about your party’s nominee.”"
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- Stephen Colbert
"“My ‘Weekend Update’ co-anchor, Michael Che, was going to join me here tonight — but in solidarity with President Biden I decided to lose all my Black support.”"
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- Colin Jost, host of the White House Correspondents Dinner
"“Donald Trump somehow made a lot of money from a company that makes none.” "
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- Jimmy Kimmel
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