Quotes

""Please turn the music off. I've done this before, thank you. It's not my first rodeo, but I will be brief; I will not be egregious. I promise.""
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- Adrien Brody, during his 5-minute Oscars acceptance speech
"“Trump repeatedly scolded Zelenskyy, telling him, ‘You have real problems.’ Yeah, man, he’s in a war.""
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- SNL's Colin Jost
"“Jeff Bezos is launching a historic rocket mission in which Katy Perry, Gayle King and Lauren Sánchez will be the astronaut in an all-woman mission. They’re calling it the ‘Real Housewives of Mars.’ ” "
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- Greg Gutfeld
"“This is basically what [Trump] does at Mar-a-Lago. He’s selling memberships to a country club, but this club is actually our country.” "
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- Jimmy Kimmel
"“Kash Patel told the F.B.I., ‘Don’t respond to that email.’ Tulsi Gabbard said, ‘Don’t respond to that email.’ Pete Hegseth responded to that email at 2 a.m., saying, ‘U up?’” "
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- Desi Lydic
""They need to respond with five accomplishments from the last week. Federal workers wrote back: ‘I received this email, I opened this email, I read this email, I laughed at this email, and I deleted this email.’” "
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- Jimmy Fallon
"“Wait, we never win. This is so weird. Marty [Short] and Steve [Martin] aren’t here because, you know, they don’t really care.”"
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- Only Murder in the Building's Selena Gomez at the SAG Awards
"“DOGE-head Elon Musk says he’s considering giving 78 million Americans $5,000 per household. Half of these households will be benefiting from a DOGE dividend; the other are just his child support.” "
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- Greg Gutfeld
"“Rehiring people on Tuesday that you fired on Friday does not scream ‘government efficiency.’”"
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- Stephen Colbert
"“You’re telling me this is the best you can do? It looks like an animated show for children made by even younger children.” "
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- Taylor Tomlinson, on Meta’s new ad for its VR game, “Horizon Worlds”
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