Quotes

"“President Trump plans on eulogizing the pope by saying, ‘He was a great pope except for the times he was a sucker and a loser.’”"
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- Greg Gutfeld
""Nobody’s going to be more insufferable this week than your friend who saw the movie ‘Conclave’ and now knows everything about how it works.” "
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- Jimmy Kimmel
"“Oh, my gosh, my favorite holiday on the Christian calendar: the day when we celebrate Jesus being resurrected from the dead. Or, as Elon Musk sees it, an elaborate scheme to defraud Social Security.” —"
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- Bill Maher
""If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.""
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- Johnny Carson
"“For the first time since 2014, Easter and 4/20 will land on the same day this year, which is going to lead to some very long and confusing egg hunts.”"
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- Jimmy Kimmel
""Do the Dems realize they have no authority in El Salvador? El Salvador is a little different than the green room at ‘The View.’”"
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- Greg Gutfeld
"“I’m glad we’ve reached the point where hearing screaming from inside a space capsule is a good thing.” "
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- Jimmy Kimmel
"“Trump was gracious and measured, and why he isn’t that in other settings, I don’t know and I can’t answer and it’s not my place to answer. I’m just telling you what I saw, and I wasn’t high.”"
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- Bill Maher, after a dinner with the president
"“[Trump's} physical is tomorrow, which means we should have the results tonight.” "
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- Seth Meyers
"“Every media company today is trying to find its own path in a world that looks vastly different than it did five years ago, or even five months ago. Our path is focused on the clear advantage we have in this moment and going forward: We make great shows.”"
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- AMC Networks CEO Kristin Dolan
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