" "Tesla’s CEO and white Kanye, Elon Musk wore a suit instead of a jacket and t-shirt to this week’s cabinet meeting after President Trump made fun of his clothing. It’s a refreshing reminder that bullying still works.”"
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- Colin Jost, on SNL's Weekend Update
""Canada is no longer selling bottles of Jack Daniel’s, Fireball and Tito’s Vodka, or, as Democrats are currently calling it, breakfast.” "
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- Jimmy Fallon
"“It was the longest presidential address in more than 60 years. Why is it that the orchestra can play off an Oscar winner but not the president?” "
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- Jimmy Kimmel
" "The night was pretty much a welcome back party for Trump, Republicans and measles.”"
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- Jimmy Fallon
"“People care about the cost of groceries and health care, not whether the president of Ukraine has ever been to a Men’s Wearhouse.” "
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- Seth Meyers
""Please turn the music off. I've done this before, thank you. It's not my first rodeo, but I will be brief; I will not be egregious. I promise.""
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- Adrien Brody, during his 5-minute Oscars acceptance speech
"“Trump repeatedly scolded Zelenskyy, telling him, ‘You have real problems.’ Yeah, man, he’s in a war.""
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- SNL's Colin Jost
"“Jeff Bezos is launching a historic rocket mission in which Katy Perry, Gayle King and Lauren Sánchez will be the astronaut in an all-woman mission. They’re calling it the ‘Real Housewives of Mars.’ ” "
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- Greg Gutfeld
"“This is basically what [Trump] does at Mar-a-Lago. He’s selling memberships to a country club, but this club is actually our country.” "
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- Jimmy Kimmel
"“Kash Patel told the F.B.I., ‘Don’t respond to that email.’ Tulsi Gabbard said, ‘Don’t respond to that email.’ Pete Hegseth responded to that email at 2 a.m., saying, ‘U up?’” "
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- Desi Lydic
