"“It was boring. It was basically a $50 million version of when a 5-year-old shows you every car in his Hot Wheels collection.”"
- Jimmy Kimmel, on the Trump-hosted military parade
Quotes
"“Usually, when that much is spent on something completely pointless, we at least get to see one of the Avengers in it.”"
- John Oliver, on President Trump's $134 million decision to send troops to LA
"“I don’t know what’s worse: that a reporter thought it was a good idea to ask Trump if he’s the hero or the villain, or that Trump’s response was ‘Oof, that’s a tough question.’”"
- Desi Lydic
"“During a speech yesterday at Fort Bragg to celebrate the 250th anniversary of the U.S. Army, President Trump spoke about the need to ‘liberate Los Angeles and make it free, clean and safe again.’ Though if you think Los Angeles was ever safe, then you’ve never tried to merge onto a six-lane freeway at 80 miles an hour with the sun in your eyes.”"
- Seth Meyers
"“Now, as we speak, Trump has sent thousands of troops into downtown L.A. to quell what historians will remember as the Battle of That Video of a Burning Waymo Car They Kept Showing on Cable News.” "
- Stephen Colbert
"“Amid his escalating feud with Elon Musk, President Trump said last week that he was ‘not even thinking about Elon.’ Which is weird, because the question was about tariffs.” "
- Seth Meyers
"“You really wish the company was behind you 100%, right? You really wish the top echelons of the company would come out publicly and say, ’60 Minutes, for example, is a crown jewel of American journalism, and we stand by it 100%.' I haven’t heard that.”"
- Scott Pelley, to CNN's Anderson Cooper
""Their relationship went off a cliff faster than a self-driving Tesla.”"
- Jimmy Fallon, on Elon Musk and President Trump
""Congrats on coming out against a crazy thing in this bill, but you weren’t aware of what was in it? That’s your job! This isn’t book club — you can’t just read the first seven pages and then be like, ‘I love it. Linda, more rosé.’” "
- Michael Kosta, on Marjorie Taylor Greene’s admitting she hadn’t read Trump’s "big beautiful bill" in full
"“Just days after leaving his official role at the White House, Elon Musk is now blasting President Trump’s ‘big, beautiful bill’ as a ‘disgusting abomination.’ And that’s coming from the guy who made the Cybertruck.” "
- Jimmy Fallon
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