"You know, it's like, you said you hit every house. I mean, like, you understand that's hard for people to swallow. Right? You know what I mean?"
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- Cecily Strong on "Saturday Night Live" in a "Serial" parody in which Kris Kringle is the subject of an investigation
"I did something much harder than change the world. Folks, I samed the world. Another Bush governor is running for the White House. People on TV are defending torture. We are sending troops into Iraq.... I promised you a revolution, and I delivered. Because technically, one revolution is 360 degrees right back to where we were."
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- Stephen Colbert, in his final episode of "The Colbert Report," Thursday night
"This is a podcast! It was supposed to be for four people! Do you think if I'd had known it was going to be something I would have had Mail Chimp sponsor it?"
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- "Sarah Koenig" in "Funny or Die's" satirical take on how the last episode of the uber-popular NPR podcast "Serial" will end
"Oh God, it's Mom."
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- Political pundit Dallas Woodhouse, who'd been arguing with his fellow pundit (and brother) Brad on C-SPAN, when their mother called into the show to upbraid them for disagreeing
"A year ago, I’d meet people who, when they found out who I was, they’d say, ‘Oh, we love the songs! We sing them all the time.' Now they’re like, ‘Yep, we’re still listening to those songs.’ I’ve gone from, ‘Thank you,’ to, ‘Sorry!'"
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- "Frozen" director Jennifer Lee, on the soundtrack's endurance with kids
"It doesn’t compute to the generation that most of Hollywood cares about, if your last name’s not Hemsworth or you are not in One Direction or you don’t wear a cape and tights for a living, you literally have a hard time making an impression."
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- "Mad Men" star Jon Hamm, who is happy he never signed on to play a superhero
"To once again become trusted and relevant, television news must disrupt long-held notions and dare to return to the fundamental ideas of journalism that their audiences are begging for."
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- Linda Ong, TruthCo CEO, in Cynsiders
"There have been breakthroughs. If you want to break the glass ceiling, you're going to need explosives.... Have you ever noticed the less women [are] involved in something, the worse it is?"
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- Jay Leno, referring to Kathryn Bigelow's 2009 "Hurt Locker" Oscar, and other women who have been shattering Hollywood's glass ceiling
"Don't let people cast you as a side character in your relationships, in your job or in your life."
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- Mindy Kaling, creator and star of "The Mindy Show"
"You've been taking a lot of shots at my job, I've decided I'm going to go ahead and take a shot at yours.... How hard can this be? I am just going to say whatever you were about to say."
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- President Barack Obama, taking over Stephen Colbert's The Word segment, on "The Colbert Report"
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