"All the women here are doing incredible things in this world. All I did was get fired. Everyone knows everything about me. What am I doing here?"
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- Former Sony executive Amy Pascal, while being interviewed onstage by Tina Brown, at the Women in the World conference
"Seventeen years is the longest I have ever in my life held a job, by 16 years and five months. The upshot being, I am a terrible employee. But in my heart I know it is time for someone else to have that opportunity."
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- Jon Stewart, announcing on "The Daily Show" that he will be stepping down from his anchor position later this year
"I was too frightened at that time to be a host. I did not think I would do a great job."
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- Henry Winkler, explaining why despite his star power in 1977 when he played The Fonz on "Happy Days," never guest hosted on "Saturday Night Live"
"If the Grammys want real artists to keep coming back, they need to stop playing with us. We ain't gonna play with them no more.... Beck needs to respect artistry and he should have given his award to Beyonce, and at this point, we tired of it."
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- Kanye West, who interrupted Album of the Year Grammy recipient Beck onstage Sunday night
"I'm adamantly against Tom and Liz being together. I just think it would be really bad for all of womankind."
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- "The Blacklist's" Megan Boone, on her show's character Liz and Liz's perfidous ex-husband
"There were lots of people who you'd see how brilliant they were, but you knew on some level that it wasn't going to work.... I wasn't at the Jim Carrey audition, but somebody who was there said, 'I don't think Lorne would like it,' and they were probably wrong, but it doesn't matter. Or maybe they were right — who knows? No one gets it all right."
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- "Saturday Night Live" executive producer Lorne Michaels, on the comedians who got away, in The Hollywood Reporter
"It’s always going be a dogfight, it's never going to be calm, easy or predictable. And yet we're all addicted. That wishful high is like nothing else."
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- An anonymous TV producer, writing about the nerve-jangling pilot season, in The Hollywood Reporter
"Thank you, Jeff. That's the best cranial experience I've ever had."
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- "Today's" Savannah Guthrie, having just received a massage on her head, on air, from Oscar-winner Jeff Bridges
"I assure you my son lacks the magical powers necessary to threaten his friend's existence."
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- Jason Stewart, father of a Texas 4th grader who was suspended after bringing a ring to school and telling his friend it could make the friend disappear, a la "Lord of the Rings."
"I think it's cool to be able to laugh at yourself. I just want to own up to some of the things [I've done]."
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- Pop star Justin Bieber, appearing on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show"
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