Quotes

"“The settlement does not include a statement of apology or regret.""
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- Paramount Global, on its $16 million settlement with President Trump
""Men are only as loyal as their options.""
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- Bill Maher
""You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.""
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- Milton Berle
"“July 4th is your most patriotic holiday, where you proudly wave flags and set off fireworks that were all made in China.""
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- Diego Luna
"“Yesterday was New York City’s Democratic mayoral primary, and former Governor Andrew Cuomo conceded to state Assemblyman Zohran Mamdani. On the bright side for Cuomo, at least he doesn’t have to move to New York City.” "
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- Seth Meyers
"“President Trump announced yesterday in a post on Truth Social that Israel and Iran have agreed to a cease-fire and added, ‘CONGRATULATIONS TO EVERYONE!’ Congratulations to everyone? Are you brokering a cease-fire or hosting the Tonys? ‘Congratulations to all our winners tonight, get home safe!’”"
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- Seth Meyers
"“The U.S. on Saturday launched strikes against three Iranian nuclear sites in a surprise attack. Well, ‘surprise’ to everyone who’s not on Pete Hegseth’s text chain.” "
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- Seth Meyers
""Any enjoyment you may get from weird, funny AI slop tends to be undercut when you know that someone's hard work was stolen in order to create it.""
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- John Oliver
"“If Trump were to acknowledge Juneteenth, he would risk upsetting his not-at-all-racist-and-how-dare-you-say-we-are base. They’re like, ‘We’re the ones who stopped enslaving — they should have a holiday for us!’” "
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- Jimmy Kimmel
"“After a few days with Trump, the Canadian prime minister was like, ‘I hate to see you go, but I also hate to see you here.’” "
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- Jimmy Fallon
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