Quotes

""The U.S. economy is undergoing what economists refer to as a ‘George Costanza.’” "
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- Desi Lydic
""President Trump urged House Republicans to skip a celebration of his first 100 days in office to vote on his tax bill. Oh, I hate to break it to you, buddy — there wasn’t going to be a celebration.”"
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- Seth Meyers
"“Donald Trump is the most unpopular president since Kevin Spacey.”"
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- Seth Meyers
""Unfortunately it feels right now we’re all about to get a harsh lesson in what each part of our public health system does as it gets taken away. Which is sort of like finding out what each of your organs does as someone removes them one by one.”"
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- John Oliver
"“It used to be Take Your Daughter to Work Day — remember that? — and it encouraged women in the workplace. Then over time it changed to Take Your Son or Daughter to Work. The rule is you have to pay your son 22 percent more than the daughter.”"
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- Jimmy Kimmel
"“President Trump plans on eulogizing the pope by saying, ‘He was a great pope except for the times he was a sucker and a loser.’”"
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- Greg Gutfeld
""Nobody’s going to be more insufferable this week than your friend who saw the movie ‘Conclave’ and now knows everything about how it works.” "
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- Jimmy Kimmel
"“Oh, my gosh, my favorite holiday on the Christian calendar: the day when we celebrate Jesus being resurrected from the dead. Or, as Elon Musk sees it, an elaborate scheme to defraud Social Security.” —"
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- Bill Maher
""If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.""
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- Johnny Carson
"“For the first time since 2014, Easter and 4/20 will land on the same day this year, which is going to lead to some very long and confusing egg hunts.”"
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- Jimmy Kimmel
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