""The big story today is that Trump lashed out at his own supporters who are criticizing him over the Epstein files, calling them ‘weaklings who have bought into B.S. hook, line and sinker.’ Trump hasn’t been this mad at the people he loved since McDonald’s introduced salads.”"
Tweet It
- Jimmy Fallon
""Epstein’s infamous little black book included 14 different numbers for Trump and his representatives. I mean, he had 14 separate ways to contact Donald Trump. I mean, when I drop my kid off at camp, I give two emergency contact numbers and one of them is fake because I don’t need that hassle.”"
Tweet It
- Jordan Klepper
"“How dare you fixate on a story from the past, something Donald Trump has never done? He’s focused on the issues of today, not the 2020 election, or the Russia investigation, or Hunter Biden’s laptop, or Hillary Clinton’s email server, Joe Biden’s autopen, or Rosie O’Donnell making fun of him, or his ratings for ‘The Apprentice,’ which ended in 2015.”"
Tweet It
- Seth Meyers
" "We are two misunderstood people who understand each other.""
Tweet It
- Bryan Arenales, to season 7 "Love Island" partner Amaya Espinal
"“Is this really a threat, though? What, you’re going to hit his navel with a small drone? Like, Iran went from building a nuclear bomb to ‘We’re going to turn his outie into an innie.’”"
Tweet It
- Ronny Chieng, on Iran's threat to hit a sunbathing President Trump in the navel with a drone
"“I mean, imagine if Hitler invaded Poland and was like, ‘So, that happened.’”"
Tweet It
- Ronny Chieng, on the casual response of Elon Musk's Grok to backlash for its Hitler praise
""This is the time of year when everyone’s on summer break, and that includes the Pope. Yes, for real. Pope Leo is reportedly taking a six-week vacation....Who the hell does he think he is, Jimmy Kimmel?”"
Tweet It
- Kimmel's guest host, Anthony Anderson
"“I actually agree with the president. There should be a U.F.C. fight at the White House, between Donald Trump and Elon Musk. Right? It’ll be Golf Clubber Lang versus the Ketamine Machine.”"
Tweet It
- Anthony Anderson
""The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.""
Tweet It
- Groucho Marx
""The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.""
Tweet It
- Vince Lombardi
