Quotes

"Anyone who tells you, 'I'll tell you what the business is going to be in five years' is on drugs. It has changed in the last six months more than it has in the last six years."
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- Dick Wolf, on the television industry
"You gotta admit it’s a pretty good plot twist that I turned out to be the smart one."
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- Will Ferrell as George W. Bush on SNL
"I hate to go pro on you here, but you’ve been out of the game for a while. That’s got no zazz! No one’s going to listen to you unless you Trump it up a bit. "
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- Stephen Colbert to Jon Stewart, on hand to push Congress to re-authorize health benefits for 9/11 first responders.
"I don't apologize for my gross body. It was a rough summer in NOLA as I ate and drank my face off. So you are seeing shameless body art..."
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- Scream Queens' Oliver Hudson, admitting he wasn't in top shape for a recent seduction scene
"Why is it so easy to buy bullets when I have to show three forms of ID to buy Sudafed? "
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- Stephen Colbert, on gun control
"I'm sorry sir, are you...lost?"
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- Trevor Noah to Jon Stewart, who visited The Daily Show Monday to appeal for the renewal of a health care act for 9/11 emergency responders
"It’s the perfect way for a lonely Cinderella to meet her, at best, Pumba. "
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- On SNL's Weekend Update, about a new dating site matching Disney fans
"When you’re leading in the polls, I think it’s too big of a risk to not do the debate."
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- Donald Trump, after CNN's Jeff Zucker said he would not pay Trump $5 million to participate in the December 15 event
"We have a hashtag and we've started a social media campaign with #YouCanSeeThemBoth."
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- Tina Fey, about her movie with Amy Poehler, Sisters, opening the same day as Star Wars: The Force Awakens
"Yeah, it was a shock, but more power to Fox News. They're a private enterprise. They can fire someone for wearing the wrong color tie that day - that's their prerogative and I've been on both sides of the hiring and firing."
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- Sarah Palin, on getting let go by Fox News
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