"For years, my readers have been ahead of the viewers. This year, for some things, the reverse will be true."
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- Game of Thrones author George R. R. Martin, revealing he will not be able to deliver the next book in the series before the new season of the show premieres on HBO in April
"Please stop debating about whether or not I aged well. Unfortunately, it hurts all three of my feelings. My body hasn't aged as well as I have."
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- Star Wars actress Carrie Fisher tweeting to body shamers
"She needs a car."
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- Teresa Guidice's lawyer, on why the Real Housewife of New Jersey found a new Lexus SUV waiting for her upon her return from prison for fraud
"A twisted update which fits today's tastes and a public more accustomed to sitting in front of a computer than in a cinema."
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- A review of smash hit Star Wars: The Force Awakens, in the Vatican daily paper
"Apple, I'm so sorry I broke your app store!!!"
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- Kim Kardasian, after user traffic following the release of her "Kimojis" apparently caused the app store to shut down
"Unfortunately, a live telecast means that human error can come into play. "
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- The Miss Universe oganization, after host Steve Harvey accidentally named the wrong pageant contestant as winner last night
"Star Wars is a story of a simple farm boy who buys two robots. One looks like a garbage can, the other is programmed to be scared all the time for some reason."
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- Stephen Colbert explaining the plot of the original Star Wars
"The Kris Kringle we all grew up with is old and lame. Dude looks like someone's weird grandpa."
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- Will Ferrell on The Tonight Show, introducing his own version of Santa
"My biggest take-away from last night is that, whoever wins the election, we need to force Jeb Bush and Donald Trump to live in a house together with cameras on them 24/7."
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- Jimmy Kimmel, on the most recent GOP candidate debate
"We will build a wall that works, and I’ll get Donald Trump to pay for it."
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- Ted Cruz in Tuesday's GOP debate, on the subject of illegal immigration
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