"“It was the quickest pitch and the quickest yes in the history of television. Chuck said, ‘Sheldon, East Texas, 9 years old.’ I said, ‘Done!’”"
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- Leslie Moonves, chief executive of CBS, to the NY Times, about Chuck Lorre's The Big Bang Theory spinoff
"“The real crux of this is that I just don’t think the game is safe for the brain. To me, it’s unacceptable.”"
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- Sports analyst Ed Cunningham to the NY Times, on how the dangers of football prompted him to quit his job at ESPN
"“There’s a history of romance not ending well on this show.”"
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- Game of Thrones' Peter Dinklage
""Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.""
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- Homer Simpson
"“Oh, snap! Hillary going hard on Donald Trump. And she’s smart, too. She’s doing it in the one place he’ll never find her: a book.”"
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- Trevor Noah, on Hillary Clinton’s new book, “What Happened”
"“I don’t side with white supremacists, honey. I don’t see color. I can’t — because on Monday I stared directly into the sun.” "
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- Anthony Atamanuik as Donald Trump, on the solar eclipse
"“In Saudi Arabia, a 14-year-old boy was detained for dancing to the Macarena. You know, I don’t say this often, but I gotta side with the Saudi government on this one.” "
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- Conan O'Brien, on his legal philosophies
"“I know that he’s been president for seven months, but seeing Donald Trump making military decisions is still weird for me. I mean, he must be the first human being in history who gets to command an army after starring in a Pizza Hut commercial.” "
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- Trevor Noah, on Donald Trump's Afghanistan announcement
"“Donald Trump and Melania were watching together, which surprised me. Because, I mean, two minutes of total darkness? That should have been her chance to escape.”"
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- Trevor Noah, on the solar eclipse
" “Government exists to protect us from each other. Where government has gone beyond its limits is in deciding to protect us from ourselves.”
"
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- Ronald Reagan
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