""Trump’s comments on tackling, they barely registered in the news. Because all of Trump’s speeches are basically like gas station bathrooms: You can only really complain about one thing at a time. It’s like, yeah, I know the sink’s broken, but I’m more concerned about the dead body in the stall next to mine.""
Tweet It
- Trevor Noah, on President Trump's complaints about new NFL regulations
"“She is right, no one wants to hear about politics from a wildly successful athlete. You only want to hear about it from an abject failure of a prosecutor who somehow let Robert Durst slip through her fingers.""
Tweet It
- John Oliver, on Fox News host and former district attorney Jeanine Pirro saying athletes should be ashamed of themselves for kneeling during the national anthem
""If a news show and a talk show had a baby, that's us.""
Tweet It
- Megan Kelly to the NY Times, on her Today hour
""Some people tell me I should give him the benefit of the doubt, and you know what? I do give him the benefit of the doubt: I doubt all the benefits he claims are part of the new health care bill.” "
Tweet It
- Jimmy Kimmel on Senator Bill Cassidy's bill to repeal the Affordable Care Act
"“Republicans are trying to repeal and replace Obamacare, again. This is beyond beating a dead horse. This is getting damn close to bestiality, O.K.? I hope that horse has a safe word.” "
Tweet It
- Stephen Colbert
"“Why are you calling him ‘Rocket Man’? That’s not a dis, that’s a cool nickname. You’re making him sound like a character from ‘Top Gun.’” "
Tweet It
- Seth Meyers, on President's name for North Korean leader Kim Jong-un
"“Today President Trump said there’s a good chance of peace in the Middle East. Then he was like, ‘The bad news is I accidentally started a war with Greenland.’”"
Tweet It
- Jimmy Fallon
""Why didn't you give him an Emmy? If you had given him an Emmy, he wouldn't have run for president. It's all your fault." "
Tweet It
- Stephen Colbert, on Donald Trump's losing Emmys record for The Apprentice
"“I’m a standup comedian, but not just any kind. I’m sort of the queer, multimedia kind. The other day I was covered completely in glitter, holding a little crystal pyramid, trying to figure out how to incorporate it into my act, and I thought: Oh, I’m sorry, is this one of the many good jobs I’m stealing from hardworking Americans?” "
Tweet It
- Tonight Show correspondent, and Dreamer, Julio Torres
""I don't think it was probably the best start.""
Tweet It
- Sean Spicer to Jimmy Kimmel, on insisting at his first White House press conference that President Trump's inauguration crowd was the biggest ever
Read More Quotes
