""It's hard to convince people you're not into young girls when you dress like Woody from Toy Story.""
- "VP Mike Pence" to "Roy Moore" in SNL's cold open
Quotes
"“The inventor of stadium-style nacho cheese passed away this week. His ashes will be spread unevenly over a small area.”"
- Seth Meyers
"“Let’s be clear. Going to sex rehab doesn’t absolve you if you committed sex crimes. We’re not stupid, guys. There’s never been a ‘Special Victims Unit’ that ends with Ice-T going, ‘Get this serial rapist to Gentle Path at Meadows. I hope you like water aerobics, punk.’”"
- Trevor Noah, on Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey's high-end rehab facility
"“According to a CNN poll, President Trump’s approval rating has reached a new low of 36 percent. He’s so unpopular, pretty soon it’s just going to be Fox & Friend.”"
- Seth Meyer
"“Following the president’s trip, Secretary of State Rex Tillerson will then kick off his own 13-day trip to apologize for everything Donald Trump says.”"
- James Corden, on President Trump's visit to Asia
""A real man should know how to order whiskey: on the rocks, in a stemmed glass, and replaced with white wine.""
- Conan O'Brien
"“In an interview, ‘Jeopardy!’ host Alex Trebek revealed that he once tripped hard on hash brownies. Tripped hard on hash brownies, yeah. Apparently Trebek spent hours saying, ‘What is: my hand, for $800.’” "
- Conan O'Brien
"“We all want merit-based, sir — but you’re still the president.""
- Stephen Colbert, on President Trump pointing to the foreign-born NYC terror suspect as justification for a “merit based” immigration system
""That literally doesn’t matter. Did you not go to health class? Collusion is like pregnancy. It only takes one time.""
- Stephen Colbert, on Sarah Huckabee Sanders' claim that George Papadopoulos was on a council that only met one time
""Manafort’s been charged with 12 counts, including conspiracy to launder money, tax fraud and conspiracy against the United States. What’s that crime usually called again? I can’t remember, for some treason.”"
- Stephen Colbert, on the charges filed against former Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort
CynCity
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