"“Congress has paid out $15 million in harassment settlements. Or as Bill O’Reilly calls it, a bargain.”"
- Trevor Noah
Quotes
""It's not CNN's job to represent the U.S to the world. That's yours. Our job is to report the news. #FactsFirst.""
- CNN's response to President Trump's tweet that the net represents the U.S. to the world "very poorly"
""The FCC majority is about to deliver a cornucopia full of rotten fruit, stale grains, and wilted flowers topped off with a plate full of burnt turkey." "
- Commissioner Mignon Clyburn, on FCC chairman Ajit Pai's plan to dismantle net neutrality rules
""This week, 90% of all calls and texts are men contacting women in their past to say, 'Are we cool?'""
- Conan O'Brien
"“Tonight is about unity. It’s about putting our petty differences aside and rallying around an important cause. Not as left and right. Not as blue and red. But as one people, just now finding out that Puerto Ricans are Americans.”"
- Jon Stewart, host of the Night of Too Many Stars benefit for Next for Autism
"“I guess there are no good people left. So, let’s just get it over with. Tell us whatever you did, Jimmy Carter, Barack Obama, Tom Hanks, Malala.”"
- Stephen Colbert, after Sen. Al Franken admitted to sexual harassment
""Everyone in Hollywood is patting themselves on the back for exiling Harvey Weinstein, but this week The Hollywood Reporter raved about ‘Daddy’s Home 2,’ proclaiming, ‘Mel Gibson is once again family friendly.’ Because nothing says ‘family friendly’ like a racist domestic abuser with a drinking problem, and the words ‘Daddy’s home.’ ”"
- Samantha Bee
"“According to a national poll, only 16 percent of Americans believe that Republican Alabama candidate Roy Moore should stay in the Senate race, following allegations of sexual misconduct with teenagers. Sixteen percent — or as Moore calls it, ‘old-enough percent.’” "
- Seth Meyers
"“My co-workers have been planning this and plotting for months. They keep giggling and whispering behind my back. It made me think, this must be what it’s like to be Donald Trump at the White House.”"
- Jimmy Kimmel on his 50th birthday show
"“Trump’s presidency is like one of his handshakes: It pulls you in whether you like it or not.”"
- John Oliver
CynCity
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