""Democrats hope by forcing Al Franken to step down, they will paint themselves as the party of the moral high ground. Calm down, Democrats, you’re still politicians. You’re the party of morality the same way Don Jr. is the handsome Trump brother.""
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- Michael Che on SNL's Weekend Update
"“Yesterday, we finally got congressional testimony from Donald Trump Jr. His grilling by the House Intelligence Committee lasted nearly eight hours, making it the first time a Trump has put in a full day of work.” "
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- Stephen Colbert
""This morning, Vladimir Putin announced he’s going to run for re-election. Yeah, then this afternoon he announced he’d won!”"
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- Conan O'Brien
"“It’s very interesting, athletes from Russia can still participate, but they won’t get credit for winning any medals. Yeah, Olympic events that don’t matter — or as most people call it, curling.” "
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- Jimmy Fallon
"“A drunk driver in Australia recently threatened and yelled at McDonald’s staff after they told him that the 200 McNuggets he ordered were not available. But ladies, he is.”"
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- Seth Meyers
""Of course he said it.""
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- Billy Bush to the NY Times, on the infamous Access Hollywood tape President Trump is reportedly questioning
"“Jerry Springer says he won’t run for governor of Ohio next year. You know politics has gotten messy when Jerry Springer says, ‘I can’t be associated with this.’”"
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- Jimmy Fallon
""You don’t get to comment! That is the pot calling the kettle at 3 a.m. and asking what she is wearing.”"
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- Stephen Colbert, on President Trump tweeting about Matt Lauer's firing
"“I’m heartbroken for Matt. He is my dear, dear friend and my partner, and he is beloved by many, many people here. And I’m heartbroken for the brave colleague who came forward to tell her story, and any other women who have their own stories to tell.”"
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- Today's Savannah Guthrie, on the firing of Matt Lauer
"“Genealogy experts say that Prince Harry and his fiancé Meghan Markle are actually distant cousins. After hearing they were related, Queen Elizabeth finally gave the couple her blessing.”"
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- Conan O'Brien
