"“It is a little ironic that the people who are acting with the most maturity in this horrifying situation aren’t even old enough to say ‘bull****’ in front of their parents.” "
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- John Oliver, on student survivors of the Parkland, Florida shooting who are challenging politicians to talk about gun control
""They say God gives us no more than we can handle. But this is pushing it.""
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- Rabbi Mendy Gutnick, at a vigil after the Parkland school shooting
""There really are no words.""
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- Broward County Sheriff Scott Israel
""She's absolutely appalling, literally one of the worst human beings I've ever encountered in my life." "
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- Piers Morgan, to Fox News' Tucker Carlson about Omarosa Manigault Newman
"“Can I just say this? As bad as y’all think Trump is, you would be worried about Pence. So everybody that’s wishing for impeachment might want to reconsider.""
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- Former White House staffer Omarosa Manigault Newman to her Celebrity Big Brother castmates
""The internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.""
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- Jon Stewart
""I used to say that politics was the second-oldest profession. I have come to know that it bears a gross similarity to the first.""
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- Ronald Reagan
"“The 23rd Winter Olympic Games are officially underway. Even before the opening ceremony, they began the Games with mixed doubles curling. That’s called starting off with whatever the opposite of a bang is.” "
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- Jimmy Kimmel
"“A Girl Scout in San Diego is being investigated for selling cookies outside a marijuana dispensary. If it’s true, she’ll be given the badge for smartest Girl Scout ever.”"
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- Jimmy Fallon
"“I read that Eagles coach Doug Pederson was coaching high school football just 10 years ago. Sounds crazy until you remember that just five years ago, our president was firing Clay Aiken from a TV show.” "
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- Jimmy Fallon
