""Maybe I didn’t quite understand until it was gone just how much of a void it would leave in my life and in the lives of the fans.""
- Gabrielle Union to the NYTImes, on the end of Being Mary Jane
Quotes
"“The F.D.A. has approved a drug that will make it easier to get ready for your colonoscopy. Yeah, this wonder drug is known as ‘five beers.’” "
- Conan O'Brien
"“No one should be wearing a robe at work. Charlie Rose, you and I basically do the same job. I say some stuff about the news, I interview people, I supervise — and at no point have I ever woken up in the morning and thought: ‘You know what I should wear in front of my employees today? A whisper of a garment that a gentle breeze could render irrelevant!’” "
- Samantha Bee, who said Charlie Rose once gave her an unwanted kiss
"“Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg is funding a major effort to find extraterrestrial life. Zuckerberg said, ‘I truly believe that somewhere out there is intelligent life — whose personal data I can sell.’”"
- Conan O'Brien
"“Trump’s gonna be the first client to plead insanity on behalf of his lawyer.”"
- Seth Meyers, on Rudy Giuliani's eyebrow-raising media appearances
"“People seem to be as shocked to find out who [Rudy] Giuliani really is as a child at Disney World who accidentally saw Mickey Mouse pull off his head to reveal that he was actually Tilda Swinton.”"
- Last Week Tonight's John Oliver
""If Rudy Giuliani had been O.J.'s lawyer, he would have said, 'Hey, even if your gloves don't fit, you can still stab somebody.'""
- Seth Meyers, on President Trump's new lawyer admitting Tump reimbursed Michael Cohen's $130,000 payment to porn star Stormy Daniels
" "I salute you, Sarah Huckabee Sanders. You’ve outlasted every man who’s had your job and almost any other job in the Trump White House to become one of the most powerful women in the nation. You are a hell of a role model for little girls everywhere who are smart and hardworking and completely evil.”"
- Samantha Bee, objecting to journalists defending Sanders after Michelle Wolf made jokes at her expense at the White House Correspondents' Dinner
""This is totally unfair — you can't ask Trump open-ended questions. Fox & Friends asked him what he got Melania for her birthday, and he talked for 30 minutes. And the answer was 'nothing.'" "
- Jordan Klepper, on the questions Special Counsel Robert Mueller wants to ask President Trump
"“This is the correspondents’ dinner, celebrating the freedom of speech; you can’t just say whatever you want!” "
- Stephen Colbert, on criticism of Michelle Wolf's performance
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