" “I horribly regret it. Are you kidding? I lost everything, and I regretted it before I lost everything.”"
- Roseanne Barr, to her spiritual advisor in a talk released in a podcast
Quotes
"“Today is the first official day of summer. Right now everyone’s thinking, ‘I’m going to hike, I’m going to go camping, I’m going to hit the beach.’ While Netflix is like, ‘Sure you are.’” "
- Jimmy Fallon
"“The late night TV I grew up with wasn’t a conversation. If you can get out in the world and use social media to its full extent you can have a dialogue. I’ve been doing this for 25 years and I’m more excited now about the work I’m doing than I’ve ever been.”"
- Conan O'Brien at Cannes Lions, on embracing the changes in television
"“Snapchat is laying off 100 employees. A spokesperson for the company said, ‘It’s weird, it’s like they were here a second ago, and then they just disappeared.’” "
- Conan O'Brien
""We apologize to the game of basketball.""
- Jimmy Kimmel, on his two hour one-on-one game with Sen. Ted Cruz
""One big perk of being part of the new AT&T/Time Warner family is I now have access to the exclusive FIFTH bar.""
- Conan O'Brien on Twitter
"“Domino’s Pizza announced this week that as part of a publicity campaign, the company will start to fill potholes in select towns across the country. Yes, so Domino’s will be filling potholes — not to be confused with their normal business of filling potheads.” "
- James Corden
"“According to a new report, Uber is developing a technology that would allow its app to determine if users are drunk. It’s true, the new technology evaluates walking speed, whether the phone is swaying, and if you’ve made any typos. Now, look, let’s take the mystery out of this, Uber: It’s 2 a.m., I’m standing outside a bar, and I typed in my destination as Taco Bell. Yeah, I’m drunk.”"
- James Corden
"“Facebook has announced a new page called ‘Memories’ that will show users photos from the past. It’s better than the original title for the page: ‘When You Were Thinner.’” "
- Seth Meyers
""There's still a lot of salt left in this shaker.""
- Chita Rivera, 85, accepting her lifetime achievement award at the Tony Awards
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