""A new report claims that Taylor Swift's Instagram post endorsing mid-term candidates may have led to over 64,000 young people regstering to vote. Which is impressive, until you remember that Wendy's got 6 million people to vote for, 'Which burger can get it?'""
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- SNL's Colin Jost, on Weekend Update
"“It’s like Trump is sitting across from his own Twitter account come to life.”"
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- Jimmy Kimmel, on Kanye West's visit to the White House
"“I read that Sears is about to file for bankruptcy. Employees knew there was a chance this could happen when every Sears closed five years ago.”"
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- Jimmy Fallon
""Am I the only one who would buy that lunch on pay-per-view?" "
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- Jimmy Kimmel, on President Trump's upcoming meeting with Kanye West
"“A man in Kentucky who is also named Brett Kavanagh went viral this weekend for tweeting, ‘This is a terrible time to be named Brett Kavanagh.’ Then a guy named Bill Cosby Weinstein was like, ‘It could be worse!’"
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- Jimmy Fallon
""She disappoints at a rate normally associated with dinners cooked by divorced dads.""
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- John Oliver, on Senator Susan Collins' "yes" vote for Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh
"“What Kanye said after we went off the air last week was one of the worst, most awkward things I’ve ever seen here. And I’ve seen Chevy Chase speak to an intern.”"
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- SNL's Pete Davidson, on Kanye West's pro-Trump speech last week
"“Amazon C.E.O. Jeff Bezos was No. 1 on Forbes Magazine’s annual list of 400 richest Americans. Bezos said he owes his success to his two best friends, Shipping and Handling.”"
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- Seth Meyers
""It’s so sad that they’re still chanting, ‘Lock her up.’ Let it go! Hillary’s out there selling books, sipping chardonnay and making cameos on Murphy Brown, and you guys are all crammed into a local civic center watching the world’s sweatiest man have an aneurysm.”"
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- Seth Meyers, on President Trump's Mississippi rally
"“According to ESPN, the N.B.A. will ban Kanye West’s new Adidas Yeezy basketball shoe because the material they’re made out of is too reflective. Not too reflective: Kanye West.” "
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- Seth Meyers
