"“A woman had to be removed from a flight from Scotland to London yesterday after attempting to sneak an emotional-support cat onto the plane. Fortunately, when the woman broke into tears the cat was there to not care at all.” "
- Seth Meyers
Quotes
""Transgender people are real and normal, and they deserve so much more than this. And hey, if Donald Trump really, really wants to pretend someone doesn’t exist, pick Ted Cruz.""
- Samantha Bee, on the possible roll back of protections for transgender Americans
"“I wonder who President Trump is rooting for in this. Maybe Boston because he loves Tom Brady, or maybe the Dodgers because that’s how he got out of Vietnam.”"
- Jimmy Kimmel, on the World Series
"“We can’t wait to see how they top that at the Oscars.”"
- ABC president Channing Dungey on Academy Awards director Glenn Weiss, who famously proposed to his girlfriend onstage at the Emmys
"“Julia’s not afraid to be unlikable — not onscreen and not in person. Just try sharing an elevator with her.” "
- Tina Fey, about Mark Twain Prize for Humor winner Julia Louis-Dreyfus, at the Kennedy Center Concert Hall
""The original Big Bird has retired from Sesame Street. I’m told he was delicious.""
- Conan O'Brien
""The President got really mad about Woodward's book, really mad. The book compared him to a fifth grader. A lot of Democrats seized on that, until they realized, they got beat by a fifth grader.""
- U.N Ambassador Nikki Haley at the annual Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation Dinner
"“A new study says that beer prices could double because of climate change. Or as the brothers at Sigma Phi Epsilon put it, ‘Climate change just got real.’”"
- Stephen Colbert
"“Trump has raised so much money, this time he says he might not even need the Russians.”"
- James Corden, on Prresident Trump's record-breaking $100 million 2020 election war chest
"“This is one of the most disturbing violations of human rights in recent memory. And yet Donald Trump is bending over backwards to find excuses for Saudi Arabia - and keep in mind: he can barely bend forwards.”"
- Stephen Colbert, on the president's attitude toward the Saudi government after the alleged murder of a journalist
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