Quotes

"“According to new research, 60 percent of Americans say they plan to get in shape in 2019. And according to newer research, it’s now just 10 percent.” "
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- Seth Meyers
""Truth is mighty, and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so.""
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- Mark Twain
"“Everyone’s fighting. People are exhausted. There’s no end in sight. It’s basically like playing a game of Monopoly with your family.” "
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- Jimmy Fallon, on the government shutdown
"“A team of scientists in Brazil and Ireland have published a paper suggesting ways to genetically modify tomatoes to be spicy. Though, to be fair, people in Ireland already think tomatoes are spicy.”"
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- Seth Meyers
"“A cat that went missing from its owner in Michigan for over two months was recently found over 1,000 miles away in Florida. Or, some cats look the same.”"
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- Seth Meyers
"“Tonight I am excited to announce that after a 17-day shutdown, I am reopening ‘The Late Show.’ I held my ground, because I kept my promise and built a wall — of mashed potatoes, around my midsection, over the Christmas holidays.” "
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- Stephen Colbert
"“You can’t take it back can you? I didn't plan that. It was an unplanned f-bomb.”"
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- Golden Globes winner Patricia Arquette, after her acceptance speech
"“Don’t pay attention to them; they are a small group of people who are very, very loud. We are a huge group of people who love you and want you to host the Oscars.”"
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- Ellen DeGeneres, urging Kevin Hart to ignore online critics
""I am sure that once Trump leaves center stage, society will have a gigantic media hangover. Thus for NBC - and for everyone else - there is challenge and opportunity ahead.""
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- NBC News military analyst William Arkin, in a farewell memo
""Well, we can all agree on one thing: 2018 was the year that is the most recent.""
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- Conan O'Brien
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