""Have you ever noticed how all of Trump's accomplishments are just fixing things that he broke?""
- Trevor Noah
Quotes
"“My wish for all of us is let’s stay playful. Let’s have fun and let’s keep searching. It can’t solve everything but it wouldn’t hurt.”"
- Alan Alda, at the SAG Awards
"“El Chapo might have bribed the ex-Mexican president $100 million. Although, to be fair, the Mexican president has already denied it from the deck of his $101 million yacht.” "
- Trevor Noah
"“Nobody knows if we’re going to have a State of the Union address. The situation is chaotic and bitter and confusing — which is actually the state of our union.” "
- Stephen Colbert
"“Nominations for the Academy Awards were announced earlier this morning by Tracee Ellis Ross and Kumail Nanjiani. So if you’re keeping track, they found two people to wake up at 5 a.m. to read the nominations, and still no one to host the show.” "
- Jimmy Fallon
"“Speaker Pelosi rejected the deal before the president even announced it. She said no before Trump even asked — a move known in Washington as ‘the Melania.’”"
- Stephen Colbert, on the border wall proposal
"“It went from being one of the least-watched shows I’ve ever worked on and been most proud of — and I’m choosing to take Netflix at their word on this — to being the most-watched show I’ve ever worked on in 20-something years of being in the business.""
- Greg Berlanti to the NYTImes, on You
""I want people to see me having fun and discovering new things and taking some chances. If that means that sometimes the show is a little ragged or we’re rushing to squeeze it all into 30 minutes, then fine, as long as the moments are there and they’re good.""
- Conan O'Brien, to Rolling Stone
"“With the shutdown, there was no way she was going to get through T.S.A. anyway.”"
- Stephen Colbert, on President Trump saying Speaker Nancy Pelosi couldn't use federal aircraft to visit American troops
"“Netflix just announced they will be raising subscription prices by up to $2 a month. Yeah, I know, this is awful news for the person whose account you use.”"
- James Corden
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