""What is Mr. Maduro so afraid of? He should release the interview for the world to see. If he does not, all he has proved is that he is behaving exactly like a dictator.""
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- Univision's Jorge Ramos in the NY TImes, on the Venezuela president confiscating the cameras of Ramos' crew
"“I tried pitching having no host for this show tonight, but ABC didn’t go for it.” "
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- Jimmy Kimmel. after the hostless Oscars
"“Just a quick update for those who are confused: there is no host tonight, there will be no Popular Movie category and Mexico is not paying for the wall.""
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- Maya Rudolph, at the Oscars
""They’re saying he paid his accomplices with a check. What, did he also write ‘fake hate crime’ in the memo?""
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- Trevor Noah, on Empire actor Jussie Smollett
"“Man, Trump is getting really desperate. In two years, he’s gone from ‘they’re going to take your guns away’ to ‘they’re going to take your cows away.’ No one is outlawing cows. You know what we call that? Fake moos.”"
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- Seth Meyers
"“You can tell that Bernie’s serious about winning, because he didn’t rub his hair with a balloon before filming this video.""
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- Trevor Noah, on Bernie Sanders' video announcing his run for the presidency
""Graham says we need a federal investigation into the FBI. You know what that means: It's time to call the Federal Bureau of the Federal Bureau of Investigation Investigators. Learn all about it in the new hit CBS midseason replacement series The FBFBII.""
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- Stephen Colbert, on Sen. Lindsay Graham's vow to investigate whether the FBI and Justice Department conspired to remove President Trump from office
"“Hidden Valley has just released a new version of their famous ranch dressing. They’re calling it their Blasted Ranch-Dipped Pizza Flavored Ranch. Yeah, you can look for it at your local supermarket in the aisle marked ‘She’s Never Coming Back, Is She?’”"
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- James Corden
"“Just when the ‘Baby Shark’ song’s finally starting to get out of our heads, there’s a new batch of ‘Frozen’ songs on the way. For those who don’t have kids, ‘Frozen’ is a street-legal drug for children that’s 10 times as addictive as ‘Paw Patrol’ and gummy worms combined. In this one, Disney will finally answer the question, ‘What if we made a bunch of money again?’” "
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- Jimmy Kimmel
""We are the media company of the future.""
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- Discovery Inc. President and CEO David Zaslav, at TCA
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