"“This week the White House released its budget proposal for 2020, and it calls for a record $4.75 trillion. So between the budget and ‘The Bachelor,’ that’s two proposals that definitely aren’t happening.”"
- Jimmy Fallon
Quotes
"“Last month, Congress refused to give him 5.7 billion for his wall, and now he’s asking for 8.6. It’s like asking a girl out and then after she says no, proposing.” "
- Jimmy Fallon, on President Trump's border wall funding
""Paul Manafort, who looks like he was born divorced, faced up to 24 years in prison but only got four years, probably in a minimum security white collar facility with a bunch of his friends. The guy stole over $50 million and he basically got sentenced to college.""
- Colin Jost, in SNL's Weekend Update
"“Google is currently working on a new Android feature that would allow users to store a digital version of their driver’s license on their phone. You have to admit, Google is definitely making it easier and more convenient — for your personal information to be stolen by Google.”"
- James Corden
"“We’re building a foundation for social communication aligned with the direction people increasingly care about: messaging each other privately.” "
- Mark Zuckerberg in the NYTimes, on a new direction for Facebook
"“Hillary Clinton has announced she’s not running for president in 2020. That is tough news for Republicans — they still haven’t realized she’s no longer running in 2016.” "
- Stephen Colbert
"“Scott’s the name of your mom’s new boyfriend, not a storm.”"
- Jimmy Kimmel, on the recent winter storm
"“One major issue with Jared having access to state secrets is, you know, it’s Jared—a guy who, even among Jareds, stands out as the ‘Jared’ of the group.”"
- John Oliver, on Jared Kushner
"“I look forward over the coming weeks to thanking as many of you as I can for the thousands of contributions big and small that have made ‘this thing of ours,’ to quote Tony Soprano, so special.”"
- HBO CEO Richard Plepler, in a memo to employees announcing his decision to leave the company
"“President Trump and North Korean leader Kim Jong-un began their summit in Vietnam today, where Trump referred to Kim as his friend, and Kim said to Trump, ‘Quiet! I’m watching the Michael Cohen testimony.’”"
- Seth Meyers
CynCity
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