Quotes

"“Apparently, the royals love the show ‘Riverdale,’ so it was either Archie or Jughead.” "
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- Jimmy Fallon, on the name of the newborn royal
""The polar ice caps are melting, and you’re excited about new trade routes? That’s like being excited that your house burned down because now you can see your pool from the driveway.” "
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- Seth Meyers, after Secretary of State Mike Pompeo's observed that reductions in sea ice opened new passageways for trade
""The latte that appeared in the episode was a mistake. Daenerys had ordered an herbal tea.""
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- HBO's response to the Starbucks cup visible in Sunday's Game of Thrones episode
""I was fired, I was fired, NBC said that I was done. Then I made over $4 billion at the box office, so I guess you could say I won.""
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- Adam Sandler, explaining his SNL exit via song
"“Barr said he would not attend because of a dispute about the questioning format. Specifically, he didn’t like the part where they asked questions and he had to answer them.”"
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- James Corden, on William Barr's refusal to testify before the House Judiciary Committee
"“You can’t boil a report that long down to four pages, and you shouldn’t try. That’s like saying the battle of Winterfell was about a dude who smoked too much weed and thought he was a bird.” "
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- Seth Meyers, on Robert Mueller saying he found Attorney General WIlliam Barr's summary of his report misleading
""Trump met with Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer, and they agreed to work on a $2 trillion infrastructure plan to build roads, bridges and highways. Or as Nancy Pelosi put it, ‘Anything but a wall.” "
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- Jimmy Fallon
"“Nothing says young, vibrant man like a 72-year-old yelling at people on his front lawn.”"
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- Jimmy Fallon, after President Trump told reporters how young he feels
"“If Trump really wanted to ruin journalism, he’d put his name on it.” "
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- Samantha Bee, at the Not the White House Correspondents' Dinner
"“He’s an adorable goofball. The only thing that spends more time in his mouth than his perfect teeth is his foot.”"
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- Trevor Noah, on Joe Biden
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