Quotes

""How does Mitch McConnell sleep at night? I'm not being political here, I just don't think he has eyelids.""
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- Conan O'Brien, on Twitter
""It does not bode well for your political career when people are reacting to your resignation like Oprah just gave them a new car.”"
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- John Oliver, on Puerto Rican governor Ricardo Rossello stepping down
""After the hearing, Trump said Mueller’s performance was, quote, ‘one of the worst performances in the history of the country.’ And then Stormy Daniels was like, ‘Second worst.’”"
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- Jimmy Fallon
"“Truly, how dare you, sir, ask us, as Americans, to read a book. We are the country that made a hit out of ‘According to Jim.’” "
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- Samantha Bee, on Robert Mueller's reluctance during testimony to stray from his 448-page report
"“Several bars in Washington D.C. will open early tomorrow so people can watch special counsel Robert Mueller’s congressional testimony. So, by dinnertime, you’ll be just like the Mueller report: mostly blacked out.” "
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- Seth Meyers
""Doing the TV thing could be really kind of cool.""
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- Quentin Tarantino, to Jimmy Kimmel
"“I am deeply honored to pay tribute to Luke on Riverdale. The care in which this show takes in honoring his memory is beautiful.”"
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- Shannen Doherty, on Riverdale's upcoming tribute to the late Luke Perry
""That's not how you stop a chant. That's how you wait in line at the deli for them to call your number.""
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- Seth Meyers, on President Trump's reaction to the "send her back" chant at his rally
"“FaceApp, the app that lets users see themselves as old people and the reason why your Instagram now looks like Tinder at a nursing home.”"
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- Trevor Noah, on the exit of a White House aide
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