"“The message we are sending is that men and boys are far more valuable to us than women and girls. Whatever you’re working on right now, boost the number of female characters.” "
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- Geena Davis, accepting the Hersholt Humanitarian Award at the Governors Awards
" “There were a lot of stories that I was going to get fired, too. I didn’t believe those and I don’t believe these.”"
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- Jeff Zucker, on rumors he's next in line to be CEO at AT&T
"“I haven’t seen a group of white guys that angry since they found out their Don Henley tickets were ‘obstructed view.’” "
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- Seth Meyers, on the Republican senators who stormed the House Intelligence Committee meeting
"“Now Democrats say the impeachment might take longer than expected because each witness keeps providing even more leads. So basically, Trump’s legal strategy is commit so many crimes they can never finish the investigation:‘They’re almost done? Tell Don Jr. to rob a bank.’” "
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- Jimmy Fallon
"“Mitt is like, ‘Conan? What a weird first name.’ O.K., Mitt.”"
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- Conan O'Brien on Mitt Romney, who referred to O'Brien as "the big redhead from Boston"
"“This is nothing more than a desperate PR stunt and doesn’t merit a response.""
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- CNN, responding to the threat of a lawsuit for "unethical and unlawful" attacks on President Trump
"“It really seems like there’s nothing Trump wouldn’t do to profit off the presidency. Like, I bet you he’s going to be outside his own impeachment trial just scalping tickets.”"
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- Trevor Noah, on President Trump's announcement that the next G-7 summit will be held at his golf course
"“If you ask me in China, ‘What you think about China?’ I’d say, ‘I think China has policies. And they’re the policies that allow me to fly home!'""
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- Trevor Noah, trying to understand LeBron James' apparent support of China over Hong Kong protesters
"“Why are there 12 candidates? In the last debate, there were ten. You can’t subtract candidates and then add some back. Have you ever watched a reality show or sports? You don’t go to the Final Four, then suddenly you’re back to the Elite Eight!”"
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- Jimmy Kimmel
"“There are 100 — maybe 500 more deserving Italians we could be celebrating. Da Vinci, Michelangelo, Marconi, Bon Jovi. We could have Bon Jovi Day. We could be celebrating — dress up as cowboys and on a steel horse we ride. Instead we honor a man whose gift to America was measles.” "
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- Jimmy Kimmel, on Columbus Day
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