"“For most of the day, senators just asked questions to their own side that gave them another chance to repeat their talking points. Democrats asked, ‘Donald Trump is guilty, isn’t he?’ And Republicans asked, ‘What is it that makes Donald Trump so innocent and handsome?’” "
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- Trevor Noah, on the impeachment trial
"“It took me less time to get over the bypass surgery than it did to get over hosting the Academy Awards.”"
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- David Letterman, to the New York Times
"“Bolton used to work for Trump, and now his book could bring him down. Today, Trump was faced with the two things he hates the most: disloyalty and reading.”"
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- Jimmy Fallon
"“I just want everyone to know that I don’t endorse evil. I just help millions of people share it.""
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- Alex Moffat, as Mark Zuckerberg, on SNL
"“This is not a good look, people. Senators leaving the room and doing their own thing in the middle of an impeachment trial? You can’t just walk away. This isn’t a conversation with Ted Cruz.”"
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- Trevor Noah, on restlessness during the impeachment trial
"“Schiff stood there today in front of his audience discussing the president’s corruption and incompetence using graphics, audio and video of witnesses, even clips of Trump incriminating himself. Hey, Schiff, you’re treading on my turf. If I find out you’ve got a house band, I’m suing.”"
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- Stephen Colbert, on impeachment manager Adam Schiff
"“It’s a pivotal day in the history of the republic. Soon, we will find out if breaking the law is illegal.”"
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- Stephen Colbert, on President Trump's impeachment trial
"“Release a live bat in the Senate chamber, then scatter.”"
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- Jimmy Fallon, suggesting the legal strategy for President Trump's legal team
""I've got to add this to my Tinder profile.""
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- Brad Pitt, accepting a SAG Award
""During the entire trial, senators will have to remain in their seats. And if they’re also refused food and water, it will be just like flying Southwest.”"
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- Jimmy Fallon, on the Senate's impeachment trial
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