Quotes

""You've been married a long time when the trail of rose petals she left you goes to the lawn mower.""
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- Conan O'Brien
""Since when is strength about the chest-pounding and the loud-mouthed guy at the end of the bar? The strongest people I know are not the loudest people; they’re the ones who have the deepest sense of who they are and what they value and what they care about.""
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- Pete Buttigieg to Ellen DeGeneres, on Rush Limbaugh questioning a gay man's ability to debate President Trump
""Forget cars, is anyone working on a self-driving government?""
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- Conan O'Brien
""Ja'Net DuBois was all light and will be missed. I love that she wrote the theme song for her passing, 'Movin' on Up.""
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- Normal Lear, on Good Times star DuBois
""Being president is like being a jackass in a hailstorm. There's nothing to do but stand there and take it." "
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- Lyndon B. Johnson
"“This is crazy. Two mega-rich dudes dissing each other in the most personal way. It would be like if a rap battle was on CNBC.”"
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- Trevor Noah, on the Twitter battle between President Trump and Michael Bloomberg
""The first two states to vote are Iowa and New Hampshire, which are so white you have to go to the supermarket's international aisle to buy pepper.""
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- Stephen Colbert
"“Senator Michael Bennet of Colorado announced that he is ending his campaign. He’s planning to go back to his previous job of looking like the assistant principal on a Disney Channel show.”"
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- Jimmy Kimmel
"“Joe Biden said that Mickey Mouse could run against President Trump and have a shot. Then Biden found out that he was polling third behind Mickey Mouse.”"
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- Conan O'Brien
""Everyone is talking about the Academy Awards and the big story is that the South Korean thriller ‘Parasite’ won four Oscars including best picture. Yeah, quite an amazing moment for South Korea. They have ‘Parasite,’ they have BTS. Meanwhile North Korea is this close to dial-up internet.”"
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- Jimmy Fallon
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