Quotes

""We gave Canadians a little something special for this year's Canada Day - no Americans!""
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- Conan O'Brien
""The thing we didn't need that everybody hated.""
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- Chris O'Dowd, on Gal Gadot's much-maligned video montage of "Imagine"
"“President Trump and his team of vote suppressors don’t want your vote to count. He is adding the USPS to a long list of things he is afraid of, like books, stairs, and strong wind. I’m using my voice and resources to activate our fan base to enact real change because if we lose the post office I’m going to finally have to learn to use my email and I do NOT remember my password.”"
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- Samantha Bee
""We have to vote like our life depends on it, because it does.""
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- Beyonce, accepting BET's Humanitarian Award
""Do these people listen to themselves? Just think for a moment — you guys think every government and every health expert around the world is involved in some giant conspiracy to oppress everyone on Earth, but they don’t have the power to block that one video on YouTube that exposes the real truth?”"
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- Trevor Noah, after a video went viral of Palm Beach, Florida residents denouncing mask regulations
""I know he’s been doing campaign events, but I never even know about them and honestly I prefer that. I love this strategy. If I had my way, Biden’s campaign slogan would be ‘Elect me president, and you’ll never hear from me again.’”"
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- Seth Meyers
"“President Trump gave a speech today in Arizona to a group of young Republicans. Of course, in Arizona, the term young Republican refers to anyone who’s only wearing one knee brace.”"
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- Seyh Meyers
"“He spent so much time on this story that now I’m more suspicious than I was. Like, before I thought yeah, maybe Trump has some trouble walking down ramps, but now I’m not even sure he has feet.”"
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- Trevor Noah
"“Welcome to the show, still taking place in this empty blank void. There’s absolutely no one in the room with me right now, although interestingly, that’s still somehow only slightly fewer people than were at President Trump’s Oklahoma rally.""
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- John Oliver
"“Could you imagine the president asking his advisers if Finland is part of Russia? He’s the president of the United States. This is like your mechanic asking if the muffler is part of the glove compartment.” "
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- Jimmy Kimmel
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