"“It is basically like the Super Bowl of guys who are picked last in sports.” "
- Jimmy Fallon, on the CEOs of Amazon, Apple, Facebook and Google testifying before Congress
Quotes
"“Even after the F.D.A. said this drug doesn’t help, Trump won’t give up. He’s like your friend who never stops trying to make you watch the show they’re watching.” "
- Jimmy Fallon, after President Trump retweeted a video claiming masks don't help with coronavirus and hydroxychlorine does
"“Trump won’t be throwing out the first pitch, although, thanks to his handling of the pandemic, he might be able to throw out the last pitch of the season tomorrow.”"
- Jimmy Fallon, on President Trump announcing he will not be able to throw out the ceremonial first pitch for the Yankees
""It’s never good when Trump says he’s doing a ‘great job’ given he thinks that the administration is doing a ‘great job’ dealing with the coronavirus and he once proclaimed Ben Affleck would do a great job as Batman."
- John Oliver, on President Trump deploying troops in Portland
"“Seriously, dude, it’s not a test to see how smart you are — it’s a test to see if you’re OK. When the referee asks a boxer what city he’s in, it’s not a geography test.” "
- Seth Meyers, on President Trump boasting about acing a cognitive test
""I’d say he suffers from extreme short-term memory loss, but then again, he aced that cognitive test, so what do I know? It’s too bad coronavirus can’t be cured by correctly identifying an elephant on a piece of paper.” "
- Seth Meyers, on President Trump
"“This is like Samsung bringing back their exploding Galaxy phone.”"
- Jimmy Fallon, on President Trump resuming coronavirus briefings
"“It’s chilling to see the most powerful man in the world bragging that he passed a test that they give people to find out whether they should be allowed to take the bus by themselves.”"
- Stephen Colbert, on President Trump's cognitive test
""Teachers should not go to work scared they might die. They should be scared of the usual teacher things like not getting paid enough money to eat or made into a TikTok meme by their students.”"
- John Oliver
""Major Twitter accounts were hacked in a Bitcoin scam. Now, if you’re not familiar, a Bitcoin scam is anything involving Bitcoin.” "
- Stephen Colbert
CynCity
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